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Thursday, April 27, 2006

Elmo Goes to War


Sesame workshop and Wal-mart are producing a DVD, starring little red retarded Elmo and big red shell-shocked Elmodaddy, to help little kids deal with issues involved with military families and parents who are deployed in the Iraq and Afghanistan. Though the plot is still a closely guarded secret, The Rude Pundit has an idea about how it might go down when Elmodaddy comes back home to Sesame Street.

Elmo Doesn't Like It When Daddy Screams In His Sleep:

...Then how cute it'll be when Elmodaddy discovers he's got no job he can possibly do, being so fucked up from his injuries, and so he starts to drink, which doesn't help the nightmares, the way he's gotta get up every night to walk the perimeter inside his own home, and the fact that he can't fuck Elmomommy anymore, and Elmo disappears ever more into his fantasy land of psychic goldfish, smiling computers, and strange bow-tied men and women who mime their misunderstanding of basic language outside his window.

Of course, that's all might be wishful thinking. The whole thing could end with Elmodaddy being ripped to cloth and stuffing shreds by an IED because his government couldn't afford to equip him with the armor he needed to protect his red fuzzy ass. Then we can watch as Elmo radicalizes, marches, and chants, "One, two, three, four, Elmo doesn't want your fucking war." And, hey, he'll still be teaching the children how to count.




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